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Cristiano Ronaldo held Juventus back: just what do Manchester United

Returning superstar will certainly score goals, but his chief use at Old Trafford will be as a celebrity content provider

Welcome to Unitedland! With an array of nostalgic installations and familiar faces, there’s something for everyone to enjoy! Gawp at the scorer of the winning goal from the 1999 Champions League in his very own technical area! Gaze on the goalscorer from the 2008 Champions League final grazing just outside the penalty area! Even the roof has that retro feel! Season tickets start at just £532.

There was a time when clubs found jobs for former players gladhanding in corporate hospitality. Manchester United have gone much further. With Ole Gunnar Solskjær installed as manager and Cristiano Ronaldo up front, you wonder which other former greats can be brought back to the Old Trafford theme park. Martin Edwards in the boardroom? Gary Bailey back in nets? The toothpick-chewing ghost of Billy Meredith on the wing? A labyrinthodon who once roamed Newton Heath let loose on the shabby concourse?

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