Well, we’ve made it. Another year, another season of The Bachelor. This time, we have Jimmy, a pilot who seems to have eyes that look directly into my soul, but that’s not the point.
The point is, Jimmy is hoping to find love (surprise!) which is definitely not something that has been done before on this show.
But it shouldn’t be too difficult for him, as not only does he have 23 women fighting for his love, but looking at his parent’s house, he’s loaded AF.
Anyway, moving on.
After a few montages of Jimmy deep in thought, he makes a grand entry in front of everyone’s favourite man, Osher, in – you guessed it – a plane.
Osher is impressed that a pilot can fly a plane, and proceeds to be excited for what’s in store for Jimmy.
Now that the formalities are over, it’s time for the true soul of the show, the part we’ve all been eagerly waiting for.
The ladies red carpet arrivals.
As they come dressed to the nines, bearing gifts, these ladies only have one thing on their mind – Jimmy.
We start off with 27-year-old occupational therapist Brooke, who steps out of the limo with a “love cake” in her hands – a nod to her Sri Lankan heritage.
It was a pretty solid power move by Brooke, who knows that the way to a man’s heart is his stomach.
We then have Carly, who comes complete with an envelope in her hands. Turns out, it’s a contract! Carly is actually a lawyer! Who would have ever thought?
She goes through the terms and conditions for dating her with Jimmy, and ngl, that’s a #bossmove.
Next up, we have Jay, who begins to brag about her chess skills to Jimmy, who has never played chess in his life.
She then challenges him to a game and … loses. You sure you’ve never played a game of chess Jimmy? I doubt it.
Jay then admits that Jimmy is waaaaay better looking than anyone she’s ever dated, and to all the men she’s dated before, ouch.
We then have speech pathologist Laura, who strangely inspected the inside of Jimmy’s mouth straight after he ate a love cake and said “at least he’s good with his tongue”. Isn’t this show supposed to be PG?
Straight after that debacle, Sierah shows up, and just when you thought things couldn’t get any weirder, she admits to wanting to fart the entire time she was talking to Jimmy.
Thankfully for Jimmy, she didn’t fart, but even if she did it most likely would have been drowned out by the sound of Belinda’s revving engine. You see, she’s a sexy criminal lawyer so of course, she needs to own a sports car.
We have a quick montage of all the ladies who aren’t considered interesting enough to have their own moment and also a shot of a suited-up chihuahua named Lenny.
We then have the ladies who walk in with the wifey music, they’re wholesome and sweet, and you’re rooting for them because that’s what the show’s soundtrack is telling you to do.
After that, they show a bunch of women who have no idea what Jimmy does for a living, so he mentions he’s a pilot … about 50 times.
Flight manager Chanel walks in, and it’s truly a match made in heaven. She asks what Jimmy does for a living and he makes some pilot joke that goes way over Chanel’s (and everyone at home watching) head.
We are then introduced to Stephanie, a gamer girl who is every man’s dream. She later admits to hating pilots.
Fast forward to the cocktail party, and Osher finally makes his grand entry. The crowd goes wild! Seriously. If Osh wasn’t married he could have been the next bachie.
Despite absolutely loathing pilots, Stephanie steals Jimmy away for some alone time, but Sierah, our gassy queen, couldn’t handle it, so she moves in for the kill.
She honestly could have just let one rip and Stephanie would have surely run for the hills, but she kept it civil.
Jimmy starts to feel the pressure, as, say what? So many women want to date him? What a travesty. He wants to give them all time but it’s hard.
All of a sudden, pandemonium occurs. We have an intruder! Lily the crane operator falls from the sky as her fellow bachelorette’s fume on the sidelines.
We’re then taken to the highly anticipated rose ceremony, where Osher seems to have lost his voice and everyone in the room looks like they’ve been subjected to one of Sierah’s farts.
The Bachelor Australia airs at 7.30pm on 10 and 10 Play.